Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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