...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
kristin has been a bad kristin
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
