The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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