I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
foreskin is a definite game changer
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
