When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
