she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
