We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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