Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Randomize
