and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
