just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
