I'm going to jail i love you
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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