Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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