Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
If I die, sorry about rent.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize