dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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