You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
