So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
