bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
