i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
