I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
