the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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