just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
