Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
