you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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