I think scott just propositioned me for sex
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
