i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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