you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
