I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
