dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
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