Your face is a jimmy john
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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