She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
