She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
