Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
