Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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