help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
one two three fourrrrnication!
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
