Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
