And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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