Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
