My nipple is on Facebook.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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