If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
