I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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