just come out here and I will go home with you...
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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