and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Randomize
