Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Can't talk, ducks in the car
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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