Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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