there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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