You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
