Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
