dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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