It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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