"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
