i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
