How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
