They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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