I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
