I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
