he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
