My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
