Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize