So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
can u get pink eye on your cock?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Bring me that man meat
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
