According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
