mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize
