That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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