Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
