So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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