I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I feel like abortions should bother me more
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
