i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize