you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
God, you're like boner-b-gone
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Randomize
