i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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