I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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