he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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