First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
