They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Randomize
