that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
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