I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
