I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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