he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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