I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
