Do you still have your period?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
