I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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