I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
