I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
