so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
