My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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