Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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