he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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