I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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