Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Randomize
