I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
