dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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