I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You ate ashes out of my bong
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
