At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
