do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Randomize
