I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize