ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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