so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
