hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
