I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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