made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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