he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
