yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
