My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Randomize
