someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
